My husband and I got married right before I graduated college and dated through high school. We married and lived in this blissful little world where it was just us and work and friends. Sometimes I regret being so selfish but it was the only time in our lives we would have gotten to be that selfish as those days are long gone so we lived it up. We had over 5 years together of just us. You get the point? We married in November 2003 and we decided in August about 2008 we wanted more. We felt like something was missing. We had so much fun traveling and being 20 year olds but there was still just a little something more we felt we needed. So, as the story goes a few months later we found out we would be adding a new family member.
Fast forward to present day. We have two handsome sons. Cooper is about to turn 6 and will be starting Kindergarten in August. Parker is about to turn 4 and will be starting a pre k program that will be 5 half days a week. This is one of those moments in my life where I again feel something is missing or needing more or shifting in a way thats just not quite comfortable. It's a weird can't put my finger on it feeling. I/we are about to embark into the unknown. My kiddos have been a lot of what my world has revolved around since August 11, 2009 when I first held our sweet baby boy in my arms. Like I've heard mentioned several times there is nothing new under the sun. All these feelings and firsts I am about to experience have been experienced before by many who have gone before me. I know that I will be ok and life will go on. It always does. I will have to keep repeating that my first full day with both kids in school to keep from rocking back and forth in a corner somewhere....I'm only partially kidding.
The question at hand though is who will I be? What will I do? What is my name and do I even own nice clothes anymore? All valid questions and ones I will have to figure out the answers to before its all said and done. I guess the main purpose of this blog for me is to figure out what my "new" normal will look like. Go back to the things I used to enjoy before small little tushies that constantly needed cleaning and small mouths constantly needed feeding. Volunteering and trying my hand at cooking more and getting healthier is always on the agenda for me. It is a constant balance for and yes the struggle is real! Work on pursuing womens ministry more in depth in some form or fashion which I have come to realize sometimes just looks like having the time to sit down with someone and being a listening ear when they don't have someone to confide in or just showing up for those people who are a bit downcast and downtrodden from the storms of life. It doesn't have to be some big production, In fact I'm pretty over the over produced and want to be more authentic and more real and show you can do this life in a more honest way.
I guess we will get started and see where I am led. Being vulnerable is a scary thing but I think we have to open ourselves up for change to take place. Allow God to get into these spaces of my life that I am not sure what to do with and let him show me how full he can make them and that he can make something beautiful and new out of what is right in front of my eyes.
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